Entertainment

A minister was called away unexpectedly by the illness of a close family member. He entrusted his new assistant with filling the pulpit. The Pastor's wife stayed home. When he returned, the minister asked his wife what she thought of the young man's sermon.

"The poorest I've ever heard," she said. "There was nothing in it, nothing at all. It didn't even make sense. It was very unorganized. I was disappointed."

Later that day, the concerned minister met his assistant and asked him, "How'd the Sunday service and sermon go? Did all go well? How did you manage?"

"All went very well, sir, absolutely wonderful," he said. "I didn't have time to prepare a new sermon of my own on such short notice, so I got on your computer and pulled up one of your old sermon's from last year."

Cake Baking for Mom's of Small Children

• Preheat oven, get out utensils and ingredients.
• Remove blocks and toy cars from table.
• Grease pan, crack nuts.
• Measure two cups flour.
• Remove baby's hands from flour, wash flour off baby.
• Remeasure flour.
• Put flour, baking powder, salt in sifter.
• Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on floor.
• Get another bowl.
• Answer doorbell.
• Return to kitchen.
• Remove baby's hands from bowl.
• Wash baby.
• Answer phone.
• Return.
• Remove 1/4 inch salt from greased pan.
• Look for baby.
• Grease another pan.
• Answer telephone.
• Return to kitchen and find baby.
• Remove baby's hands from bowl.
• Take up greased pan, find layer of nutshells in it.
• Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table.
• Wash kitchen floor, table, wall, dishes.
• Call baker.
• Lie down.

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:

https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober

A man walks into a glass shop, interested in buying an expensive art piece to keep as a family heirloom. One gorgeous glass art piece catches his eye under the banner "Unbreakable." However, it has no price marked.

"Pardon me," he says to the shopkeeper, "but what is the price on this piece marked "unbreakable"?

"One hundred thousand dollars." replies the storekeeper.

Gasping for his next breath, he inquired why the price should be so high.

"Like the sign says, it's unbreakable!" To be sure, the man asked again if this item was indeed unbreakable. The owner again assured him it was so. The third time the man asked, the keeper was a bit terse and told him to buy the piece and see for himself that it would not break.

The man greatly admired the piece, and so he paid the $100,000 and took it home, where it was put on display in a protective case. He had an occasion to visit the glass shop again the next month and told the storekeeper how much care he had taken to protect and preserve the beautiful piece. As he looks around, he sees one of the pieces he'd seen the month before, which was only $500, now sitting under the "Unbreakable" banner.

"Excuse me, but how can that piece be unbreakable, too - it only costs $500, and last month was in the display cabinet mixed together with these other pieces!"

"No, it's one hundred thousand dollars - it's unbreakable, now, too." the storekeeper replied.

"How can you be so sure?" he demands.

"Because the goober who pays 100 grand for that thing is going to be as careful with it as you are with yours."

"Diary of A House Husband"

This week I am at home & playing house husband.  My wife left a list of things I need to do.  This is soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you.

1).  Make the beds......  What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight.  Forget that Scratch one.

2).  Pick up dog poop in yard.......  It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop?  Scratch two.

3).  Drop your shirts off at the cleaners.......  Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them.  Scratch three.  This is easy, what's the fuss.  Think I'll go on the computer for a while.

4).  Clean out Tupperware cabinet.......  Uhhhh that's a hard one.  GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed.  Scratch four.

5).  Mop kitchen floor.....  The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me.  Scratch five.  Good doggie go play in the yard.  She just loves rolling in the snow.

6).  Find something fun for the kids to do.....  That tinfoil in the microwave thing was kinda fun.  Scratch six.  This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for the computer
7).  Vacuum the carpets......  That's a hard one.......  Hey kids wanna have some more FUN.  Scratch seven.

8).  Feed kids lunch.....  Hey kids, don't you have a friends house to go too?
YESSSS Scratch eight !!

9).  Clean out hallway closet......  Hmmmm another hard one.  That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door.  Outta sight outta mind.  Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed.  Scratch nine.  Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time.  Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat.  Taaa daaa no lunch dishs
10).  Do laundry.....  no problem I can do that while I'm on the computer Scratch ten.

11).  Fold laundry.....  dang Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears.  Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear??
Check this out a cashmere barbie sweater, cool.  Scratch eleven.

12) Put the laundry away....  Baskets in bedrooms work for me.  Scratch twelve.  This is way too easy.  Wonder why women always complain about house work???

13).  Water the Christmas tree...  Oppp's good thing the carpet is absorbent.
Scratch thirteen.

14).  Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper.......  These old newspapers willdo, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth....  Scratch fourteen.

15).  Pick up the kids ......  Yeah right; we're talking about my kidshere.
Parents will normally pay to drop them back off.  They'll be back.Scratch fifteen.  Wonder who's on the computer.  I have plenty of time.

16).  Make dinner.....  Easy, "Hello do you deliver ?  uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow".  Scratch sixteen.

17).  Clean out the dog house......  duhh the dog sleeps in our bed, Like that needs to be done.  Scratch seventeen.  WOW all done.  Still time for some more puter & a nap.......Man this is sooooo easy.