Entertainment

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. It does, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels through town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!

There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What on earth are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for goodness sake!"

To which the guy responds, "Clever, my foot. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park.  He sat down on a bench and began eating.  Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh, a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.  Feeling neighbourly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man handled the matzo on both sides for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this junk?"

*Company Motivation Posters You Will Never See*

1) If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

2) It's only unethical if you get caught.

3) The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

4) We put the "k" in "kwality."

5) If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

6) Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!

7) A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

8) ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.

9) 2 days without a Human Rights Violation!

10) If at first you don't succeed, try management.

11) Never quit until you have another job.

12) The floggings will continue until morale improves.

"Here's your problem," says the doctor to the first-time father.

"This baby's in serious need of a diaper change."

Looking baffled, the man replies, "But the package says it's good for 8 to 10 pounds!"