Entertainment

A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon seeing some cowboys, said, "Hey Maw, look at them thar men with them thar bowed laigs."

She said that if he didn't start speaking correct English, she was going to send him to a Shakespearean English school.

A little further along, they saw some more cowboys. "Hey maw! Look at them thar men with them thar bowed legs!" he said.

So, true to her word, she sent him off to a Shakespearean English school to learn correct English.

He came home several months later on vacation. As they walked together down the sidewalk, they saw some cowboys.

"Hark!" he said, "What manner of men are these who wear their legs in parentheses?"

There is a new virus going around, called "work".  If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT.

Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.

If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "Sorry...I'm off to Home Depot." The "work" should then be automatically deleted from your brain.

If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can.  Put on your coat and skip to the nearest cafe with two friends and order three double chocolate espressos.  After repeating this action 10 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you.

Send this message to everyone in your address book.  If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.

Esther Cohen had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead.” She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.

When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day".

During one of our weekly weight-loss classes, the group leader was extolling the merits of the program's prepared-food products.

She raved about the rich, delicious flavor of the imitation chocolate fudge and the nondairy pops, assuring us that we could eat them without the least fear of ruining our diets.

The woman next to me nodded her head emphatically and then whispered, "They're even better when you spread peanut butter on them!"