Entertainment

Steve took his new wife camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day they got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), the direction of the sun (it was an overcast day).

Just as his wife was beginning to panic, Steve spotted a small cabin off in the distance. He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, then turned and led his wife right back to their camp.

"That was terrific," she said, impressed. "How did you do it?"

"Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.  One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua.  As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there.  We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.

The waiter at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The waiter said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now.  They're very good."

The waiter said, "OK then, come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.  He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable.  Once again the waiter said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand.  This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The waiter said, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!?  A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a Chihuahua??

[1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
[2] a game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.
[3] a colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red.
[4] a game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort.
[5] a game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.

GOLF CART, n.
[1] A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.

GOLFER, n.
[1] a person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down five;
[2] a guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he had a great day.

Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one boasted. "Why just yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested in dating me but to be perfectly honest, I don't quite understand it."

"Well," said his friend, "you have to remember that nowadays women are more aggressive. They don't mind being the one to ask."

"No, I don't think it's that."

"Well, maybe you remind her of her father."

"No, it's not that either. It's just that she also mentioned something about carbon 14."