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"About two hours," says the conductor.
"OK," said the man... "then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?"
The irate driver says to the man "It's still about two hours. Why would you think there'd be a difference?"
"Well," said the man, "It's only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it's a long time between New Year and Christmas!"
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An eighth grade teacher was leading a discussion on the qualifications for being president of the United States.
After the teacher commented that a person must be a natural-born citizen, one of the students raised her hand.
"Does that mean that if you were born by Caesarean section that you can't be president?"
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Everybody but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she said. "I'm leaving Friday."
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Here are the top ten excuses the Bethlehem Innkeeper gave for not giving Joseph and Mary a room.
The Innkeepers Top 10 Excuses...
10. Roman's "Stay Free" promotion a bit too successful.
9. Wife said he couldn't accept olive wood carvings as payment anymore.
8. Too busy getting new "Motel One" franchise going.
7. Last pregnant lady riding a donkey took all their towels.
6. Filled up for the "Caesar Impersonators'" convention.
5. Didn't accept the Judean Express Card.
4. Last room left was by the ice machine.
3. Nazareth Shriners tore up the place the night before.
2. Closed front desk early to take family to watch unique star.
1. No last names, no service.
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"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.
Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
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