Entertainment

A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him.

As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible.

As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him.

Moral: Don't try to read between the lions.

AFROPHOBIA: Fear of the return of the 70's hair styles.

DEJA FLU: The feeling that one has had this cold before.

HYPOCOINDRIA: Fear of not having correct change.

HAIRPIECE SWIMPLEX: Rash caused by wearing a toupee in a pool.

HERPES CINEPLEX: Rash caused by movie tickets priced at $9.50.

CELESTIAL SEASONINGS AFFECTIVE DISORDER: Herbal-tea addiction.

VISACARDITIS: The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your credit limit.

SONSTROKE: An attack during the reading of a will.

ROSWELL-BABY SYNDROME: Irrational fear that one's infant might be an alien.

OREOPOROSIS: Disorder caused by too many cookies, not enough milk.

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."

Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails . . . is that correct?"

"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."

"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "they're really big!"

"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails - and a little bit tough?"

"No", she said, "they're really big, red lobster tails"

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed.

"They must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails - $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.

"Yes", she insisted.

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one."

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said,

"Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster ..."

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."

Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails; is that correct?"

"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."

"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "It's the really big lobster."

Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails and a little bit tough?"

"No", she said, "it's the really big red lobster."

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he repeated, astounded.

"Yes", she insisted.

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one.

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster..."