Entertainment

There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute Casino Chips as opposed to cash.

Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since there are so many Casinos, the Catholic churches send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.

Once sorted for the respective casino the chips belong to, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash.

And he is known as the chipmonk.

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the newspapers. But, no one reported seeing the ape.

At last, he was discovered in the New York Public Library.

They found the ape sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The ape was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible; the other written by Darwin.

The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing.

The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother."

One day, the president of the United States was sitting in the Oval Office reading a newspaper to catch on that day's current events. All of a sudden, one of his secret service men burst through the door with a long bull whip in his hand. The president looks at him and thinks, "Ok!", but tries to ignore him, thinking it's some kind of gag.

The secret service man then begans to take that bull whip and begins "cracking" it, and walking around the president's desk. The president looks up and asks him what he's doing, but the secret service agent ignores him and goes, "Uh, hum" but keeps cracking the whip as he walks around the presidents desk.

The president gets enough and yells at the secret service agent, "BY EXECUTIVE ORDER, I DEMAND YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

The secret service agent sheepishly looks up at him and says, "Sir, I'm just beating around the Bush!"

A first grade class teacher, for the "Natural World" section of her class, had a lesson about owls.

She explained to the class about how they are nocturnal, how they can swivel their heads so far in either direction that it looks like they can turn them completely around, etc., etc. Then she described how the birds swoop down to get their prey for dinner.

Following the lesson, she asked the children to draw a picture of one of the fascinating things owls do.

Looking over the pictures, she praised and applauded each child on their efforts. She was puzzled, however, by one drawing. It was of an owl with its wings neatly folded, its eyes closed and a dead mouse nearby. "Exactly what is this showing?" she asked.

The little girl explained, "It's just like you said 'The owl swoops down and prays before dinner.'"