Entertainment

Our division had to repaint our Humvees to a sand color for Desert Storm. The result was a pinkish hue, and the jokes began.

One wag renamed us the Pink Panzer Division, but the best was the Humvee bumper sticker:

"Ask me about Mary Kay."

A farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, "This isn't the price I saw!" The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires etc. And that was what took the price up. The farmer need the truck badly, paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?" The farmer said, "Yes, I have a few cows, and I would sell for $500.00 apiece. Come look at them and take your pick." The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00.

The farmer said--------"Now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow. You're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too." "What extras?" asked the salesman.

Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow..........

BASIC COW...............................$500.00

Two tone exterior..........................$45.00

Extra stomach...............................$75.00

Product storing equipment..........$60.00

Straw compartment....................$120.00

4 Spigots @$10 ea......................$40.00

Leather upholstery......................$125.00

Dual horns.....................................$45.00

Automatic fly swatter....................$38.00

Fertilizer attachment..................$185.00

GRAND TOTAL......................$1,233.00

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish, the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe.

A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent, impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.

The Jewish men were dumbfounded. "Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both thought. After they paid the bill, they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else could hear and said, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."

Tim Nolan is one amazing guy when it comes to making trick shots with basketballs and juggling.