A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."
If the front of your car says "DODGE," do you really need a horn?
People who ask me what I'm doing tomorrow probably assume that I even know what day of the week it is.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280.
Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
One of my employees recently broke a website and it made me pretty happy. Now, before you make a mental note to never hire Cybersalt to work on your website, this is a pretty out of date website that needs some love - and sometimes love hurts!
I was happy because it was nice that someone other than me had broken something, and also because it was evidence he was trying something! As the saying goes, "Nothing ventured: nothing gained." It's also true that "Something ventured is sometimes broken!"
Maybe in the mix of all these truths we find the origins of adventure and also the hesitation we sometimes feel because we don't want to "breaking news!"
Jerry Lee Lewis would really enjoy today's video share because this Live Earthquake Monitoring Live Stream has a Whole Lotta Shakin' Going On.
Click Here to Watch
~ Pastor Tim
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."
You can't hurt my feelings; I used to bring the wrong tools to my dad.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
I hang on to my old, beat-up appliances as long as they keep working.
I thought my wife shared, or at least accepted my philosophy.
But the other morning, I saw a note posted in front of my 15-year-old coffeemaker:
"Jurassic Perk"
"In matters of style swim with the current; in matters of principle stand like rock."
- Thomas Jefferson
One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidence of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center.
The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man. "How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterward."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Susan Page writes . . . .
- photo by Susan PageIt is said, “Do the right thing and the feelings will follow.” What exactly does this mean?
Sometimes it goes against every emotion in us to extend forgiveness or offer love and kindness when dealing with someone who has wronged us. Yet, when we do the right thing, with God’s help, the feelings will eventually follow.
While reading Scripture, a passage jumped off the page and highlighted this point.
As it often is, it was the example set by Jesus who always demonstrated love even in the most trying circumstances.
Picture the scene, where Jesus has been praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. He is exhausted having poured out His soul to His Father, asking that the cup of suffering pass Him by. Yet, despite His heartfelt plea, He prayed, “Not my will Father, but Thine be done.”
Jesus also faced discouragement and disappointment when His closest friends could not stay awake and support Him when He needed them most.
Enter Judas and the soldiers, part of a crowd of people with swords and clubs approaching Jesus and the disciples. Judas identifies Jesus with a kiss and that betrayal must have felt like a knife piercing His heart. The hostility was coming from all sides, and yet, even when one of those who was with Jesus drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest cutting off his ear, what did Jesus do? He did, as always … the right thing! With a touch, Jesus restored the man’s ear, despite what was happening to Him. What amazing love.
This brought me to a place of deep reflection and soul-searching.
Jesus was facing the worst of the worst. He would be beaten, mocked, tortured, and crucified on a wooden beam. Jesus our Righteous Redeemer, who even on the cross amid excruciating suffering said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Jesus, as always did the right thing, even in the hardest moments as feelings of love and forgiveness were graciously offered to the world. So, the powerful words our Master Teacher spoke, like “turn the other cheek,” and “pray for your enemy” are lessons Jesus not only taught but modelled for us here on earth.
Can we do the right thing even if we do not feel like it, waiting for the feelings that may never come?
Yes, we can but only by God’s grace and through His strength, given us through our Lord Jesus.
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
