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The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.

She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting."

"It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate had other plans for him tonight."

I work in a bread factory. I'm a loafer.

The 'back' in horseback riding is probably unnecessary.

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Sunday greetings, everyone!

We are enjoying a visit this week from our eldest daughter and grandson. Unfortunately our son-in-law was unable to make the visit because he could not get leave from the reserves, so we wont have the whole family together, but Grandma Susan and I will hopefully get a picture of us with all the grandkids!

Today's video share is a wonderfully beautiful performance of "He Will Hold Me Fast."
Click Here to Listen

Enjoy the rest of today's Digest. 

~ Pastor Tim 

10. Rehearsals are every Wednesday night. This means that for those few hours, you will significantly reduce your risk of contracting tendonitis from nonstop operation of a television remote control or computer mouse.

9. Because you wear a choir robe every Sunday, you are liberated from a task many men find quite challenging: finding clothes that match properly.

8. From your special vantage point every Sunday, in which you look out at the entire congregation from the choir seats, you will develop interesting new hobbies. Among these is a little guessing game called "Who's Praying, Who's Sleeping?"

7. On the other hand, sitting in full view of 400-500 people on a weekly basis makes it much less likely that you yourself will give in to a chronic lack of sleep, although it has been known to happen.

6. If you think your singing in the shower sounds good now, just wait till you've been singing with us for a few weeks.

5. Singing in a choir is one of the few activities for men that does not require electronic equipment or expensive power tools. This could be good for the family budget.

4. For the fitness buffs, singing in the Choir is not only heart healthy, it's soul healthy. There are no monthly membership fees and it's a lot easier on the knees than jogging.

3. If you think you've done everything there is to do and there are no great challenges left in life, try singing with us and staying on pitch, guys.

2. Choir rehearsal lasts half as long as a professional football game, but is at least twice as satisfying. (Don't worry, though, the rehearsals are on Wednesday, not Monday Nights.)

1. When people ask you whether you've been behaving yourself, you can say with the utmost sincerity, "Hey, I'm a Choir Boy."

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work ... Thankfully, I was at work.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

I walked out of my job at the cat sanctuary, coz they kept reducing meowers!

Grief isn't meant to be a cage - it's meant to be a door. A passage, not a prison. A bridge, not a wall. So, let the tears fall when they come. Let the laughter rise when memories bring warmth. And let sorrow and joy exist side by side, for they are not opposites - they are just love in different forms.

- Jameson Arasi

Leaders of the Laodicean Church in Canada last week announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a hymnal for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.

"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition," Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is the motto, 'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our faith life as well. We just don't like to get carried away."

When asked if the new hymnal will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Armm replied, "People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church seeks to meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."

Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S. Moment, explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns.

"Many of the old favourites just won't cut it among Laodiceans," said Moment. "We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with our style. We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music."

The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully, explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands any more like 'Worship' or 'Hymn.'"

Here is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:

A Comfy Swedish Mattress Is Our God
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Be Thou My Hobby
Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
He's Quite a Bit to Me
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviours on Jesus
I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
I Surrender Some
I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
It Is My Secret What God Can Do
Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
Just as I Pretend to Be
Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Oh, How I like Jesus
Onward, Christian Reservists
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere near Me
Take My Life and Let Me Be
There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
When Peace, like a Trickle
When the Saints Go Drifting in
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I can’t keep count of all the phone calls informing me that I won millions of dollars and a brand-new Mercedes-Benz. All I have to do is send them $15,000 to cover the income tax and processing fee, and they will be able to send me millions of dollars.

I grew up in the Pennsylvania Dutch area, and I would be the last person to fall for that kind of scam. If I won money, why do I have to pay money?

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.