My daughter can't decide if she wants to be a hairdresser or an author.
I guess she'll have to flip a coin ... heads or tales.
I had twelve bottles of whisky in my cellar, and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each bottle down the sink or else. So I said I would, and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the drain with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they are not actually interested in your opinion; I know that now...
The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:
"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."
Sunday greetings everyone - and welcome to the last day of August: a day whose passing stirs us to begin waking up from our summer dreams.
I have set a goal to do nothing new in September. I am going to focus on completing ongoing and unfinished work because I feel that I have too many things with loose ends on the go and that is consuming my "attention" brain cells. I will keep you posted on how I do!
Today's video share is about finding a unique set of furnishing for a house. My question to you: "If it was your house, how many times would you have kept stepping back when asked for another picture?
Click Here to Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
The same old standard phonetic alphabet (which you would use to describe spelling "Wilson" as "Whiskey, India, Lima, Sierra, Oscar, November") has been used by aircraft pilots, police, and many others for many years now.
So, I finally decided to come up with something a bit more "original" for those people who bother me:
A - Are
B - Bee
C - Cite
D - Double-U
E - Eye
F - Five
G - Genre
H - Hoe
I - I
J - Junta
K - Knot
L - Lye
M - Me
N - Nine
O - Owe
P - Pseudonym
Q - Queue
R - Rap
S - Sea
T - Tsunami
U - Understand?
V - Vie
W - Why
X - Xylophone
Y - You
Z - Zero
People don't ask me to spell anything over the phone anymore.
When I was little, I remember they only played old-people music in the supermarkets; but today when I went to whole Foods, they were playing all the songs I love.
I asked my doctor if I could administer anesthesia myself and he told me, "Sure, go knock yourself out."
People wait all day for 5pm.
All week for Friday.
All summer for winter.
All winter for summer.
And all of life for happiness.
Don't let the pursuit of tomorrow diminish the joy of today.
On thinking ahead, from the novel "Artifact" by Greg Benford, a "hard" sci-fi writer who is also a physicist:
"There was a great mathematician named Hilbert, who telegraphed Berlin saying he had proved the outstanding unsolved problem in mathematics, a thing called Riemann's conjecture. It has to do with the roots of a well known function.
He sends this telegram to Berlin, where he's going to give a speech. Everybody gets excited.
So Hilbert shows up and talks, and says nothing about the problem.
Somebody comes up to him after the speech and says, 'What about Riemann's conjecture? What's the solution?'
Hilbert says he hasn't got one. He was taking his first airplane trip to Berlin, and was pretty nervous, so he sent the telegram in case he got killed."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
After many years of denial, I finally realized how easily I am confused. Why it took me so long to realize this, I will never know.
If only I could go back to my wonderful teenage years when I knew everything and nobody could tell me what to do. Why do those days go by so quickly?
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
