My husband just fixed all of my anxiety... He said, "Just don't worry about it" and I can't believe I didn't think of that myself.
Friends who eat together are taste buds.
The similarities between Santa and System Admins:
1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.
3. Santa seldom answers your mail.
4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."
5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.
6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.
7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
8. Santa laughs entirely too much.
9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.
10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday - welcome to December!
Today's mailing is brought to you by Tylenol and my fever - who are fighting it out!
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
1. You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
2. There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
3. You could grow a gut the size of Fat Albert's and consider it a job requirement.
4. One big black belt - accessorized for life!
5. There'd be no reason to have your colors done.
6. Everyone would be extremely nice to you, even if you weren't.
7. Should people suggest your belly jiggled... that is when you giggled... like a bowlful of jelly, you could hit them with your purse.
8. You'd always work in sensible footwear.
9. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty "'Ho! Ho! Ho!", would remind everyone who's boss.
10. You wouldn't need an expensive briefcase.
11. No one would dare ask for a ride to work.
12. Never again have to wear pantyhose or worry about your slip showing.
13. No more trips to the vending machine... you'd just snack on milk and cookies all day.
14. You'd never be asked to take an early retirement package.
15. Juggling work and family would be a breeze because your children would adore you; even your teen-agers would want to sit in your lap.
16. You'd be guaranteed the best chair in the office.
17. Age discrimination wouldn't be an issue.
18. You'd never grab the wrong coat on your way out the door.
19. No one would ask to see your job description.
20. Your co-workers would be on notice that they'd better not pout.
According to my chocolate Advent calendar, there are only 3 days until Christmas.
There are eleven types of people in the world ...
Those who understand Roman numerals, and those who do not.
"If you can only make Christmas exciting with material things, how will the children get a thirst for God? Bend the efforts of your imagination to make the wonder of the King's arrival visible for the children."
- John Piper
Two women who were having lunch in an elegant hotel were approached by a mutual friend who asked the occasion for the meal.
One lady replied, "We are celebrating the birth of my baby boy."
"But where is he?" inquired the friend.
"Oh," said the mother, "you didn't think I'd bring him, did you?"
What a picture of the way the world treats Jesus at Christmas.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Susan Page writes . . . .
I took this photo at Fair Havens Ministries on a snowy winter’s day. Is there any greater comfort than knowing we are God’s children? Is there any greater peace than knowing we are firmly rooted in Christ Jesus? This truly is the reason we celebrate this festive season!
During Christmas, there is tremendous pressure on our schedules. The spark of hope may fade into a mere flicker as exhaustion settles into our tired souls. We might miss the greatest gift, which is the true joy that comes from the message of Christ's coming to earth.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Oh look, Chicken Thursday - welcome to December!
Today's mailing is brought to you by Tylenol and my fever - who are fighting it out!
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
The similarities between Santa and System Admins:
1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.
3. Santa seldom answers your mail.
4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."
5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.
6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.
7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
8. Santa laughs entirely too much.
9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.
10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
My husband just fixed all of my anxiety... He said, "Just don't worry about it" and I can't believe I didn't think of that myself.
Friends who eat together are taste buds.
"'Is not my word like fire, say the Lord!' Gather 'round that fire this Advent season. It is warm. It is sparkling with colors of grace. It is healing for a thousand hurts. It is light for dark nights."
- John Piper
A pastor attended a men's breakfast in the middle of a rural farming area of the country.
The group had asked an older farmer, decked out in bib overalls, to say grace for the morning breakfast:
"Lord, I hate buttermilk," the farmer began.
The visiting pastor opened one eye to glance at the farmer and wonder where this was going.
The farmer loudly proclaimed, "Lord, I hate lard."
Now the pastor was growing concerned.
Without missing a beat, the farmer continued, "And Lord, you know I don't much care for raw white flour."
The pastor once again opened an eye to glance around the room and saw that he wasn't the only one to feel uncomfortable.
Then the farmer added, "But Lord, when you mix them all together and bake them, I do love warm fresh biscuits. So Lord, when things come up that we don't like, when life gets hard, when we don't understand what you're saying to us, help us to just relax and wait until you are done mixing. It will probably be even better than biscuits. Amen."
Within that prayer there is great wisdom for all when it comes to complicated situations like we often experience.
Stay strong my friends, because our life is being mixed with lots of things that we don't care for......relax and wait until the mixing is done.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Like everyone, I enjoy the Christmas holiday from beginning to end. It's my favorite time of the year. The most important thing is the family gathering in the celebration.
I enjoy everything about Christmas except that I'm not so fond of Christmas shopping. That is not something I enjoy. Compared to The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, who is the Queen of cash registers, I am not qualified to do shopping.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
