Entertainment

Dear Secretary of Agriculture,

My friends, Darryl and Janice, over at Jonestown, Oklahoma, received a check the other day for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs.  So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business myself next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best type of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise?  I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all government policies.  I would prefer not to raise Razor hogs, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I can just as easily not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.  If I can get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs?  I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 "not raised" hogs, which will give me $80,000 income the first year.  Then I can buy an airplane.

Now another thing: these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn.  I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat.  Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the
4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?  I want to get started not feeding as soon as possible, as this seems to be a good time of the year to not raise hogs and grain.

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send me any information on that also.  In view of these circumstances, I understand that the government will consider me totally unemployed, so I plan to file for unemployment and food stamps as well.

Be assured that you will have my vote in the coming elections.

Patriotically yours, Duster Benton

As my husband, the county highway commissioner, was driving to the hospital for treatment of his painful leg, he decided to use the valet parking service so he wouldn't have to walk far. Staring at his official-looking vehicle, one of the valets asked my husband if he was driving a government car.

"Why, yes," my husband replied, surprised by the question. "In fact it's an unmarked police car."

"Wow!" the young man said, sliding behind the wheel. "This will be the first time I've been in the front seat."

A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.  Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to GOD, U.S.A., they decided to send it to the President.  The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5.00.  Mr.  President thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to the little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to GOD that read: "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money.

However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, they deducted $95.00.

A local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a $1000 bet that the bartender could squeeze a lemon so dry no one could get another drop out.  Many people tried but no one was ever able to succeed.

One day a puny little man arrived wearing a polyester suit and glasses came in and said, "I'd like to try the bet". 
After the laughter died down, the bartender grabbed the lemon and squeezed it until it was as dry as the desert.

The little man took the wrinkled remains and clenched it in his small fist, the crowd's laughter turned to silence as six drops of juice fell.

"What do you do for a living?" the crowd asked.  "I work for Revenue Canada," the little man replied!

Two men are talking. One says to the other, "I shouldn't have told my fiancée about my rich uncle."

He friend asks, "Why not?"

The first man replies, "Because now she's my aunt."

  1. Bubba's Friends
  2. Abstract Noun
  3. The friars of Flowers (pun alert)
  4. Today I didn't Do It

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
 

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  13

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  534

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1953

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2007

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners! 

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

Page 2613 of 2660