Entertainment

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he'd eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.

The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious pieces of gigantic steaks.

To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen.

"Now see here," the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, steak. Today, though, when I have my friends invited, you serve small miniature steaks! What is the meaning of this?"

"Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "yesterday you were sitting by the window."

I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.

(Dave Henry)

As he was driving home from work, a man in a rural community was stopped by a local police officer. The motorist was given a ticket for failing to come to a full stop at a stop sign.

"Don't I get a warning?" he protested.

The officer replied, "Sure. If you don't come to a complete stop next time, you'll get another ticket."

If quitters never win, & winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use.  Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do...write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

Clones are people two.

No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

As I said before, I never repeat myself!

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.