Entertainment

After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor. "Reverend, that was a wonderful sermon. You should have it published."

The pastor replied, "Actually, I'm planning to have all my sermons published posthumously."

"Great!" enthused the church member. "The sooner the better!"

For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children's soccer practices.

I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn.  A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up.  Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside.  I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts.

Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived.  When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed.

"Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father.  But don't worry.  I told her I didn't know."

Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of those immigration/visitation cards to fill out.

After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to a question that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?"

He pondered it for a minute, then wrote down, "I didn't realize this was still a requirement."

Add Some Fun To Life

• Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
• Page yourself over the intercom.  (Don't disguise your voice.)
• Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom.  When people complain that there was nothing there, lean, back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
• While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
• Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
• Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
• Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
• Practice making fax and modem noises.
• Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area.  Insist to others that you like it that way.
• Dont use any punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
• Honk and wave at strangers.
• TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
• type only in lowercase.
• Go around saying "What?_ Never mind._ It's gone now."
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.