Entertainment

Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of those immigration/visitation cards to fill out.

After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to a question that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?"

He pondered it for a minute, then wrote down, "I didn't realize this was still a requirement."

Add Some Fun To Life

• Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
• Page yourself over the intercom.  (Don't disguise your voice.)
• Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom.  When people complain that there was nothing there, lean, back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
• While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
• Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
• Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
• Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
• Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
• Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
• Practice making fax and modem noises.
• Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area.  Insist to others that you like it that way.
• Dont use any punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
• At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
• Honk and wave at strangers.
• TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
• type only in lowercase.
• Go around saying "What?_ Never mind._ It's gone now."
• Sing along at the opera.
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
  

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.

A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost twenty years.  He found everything just the way he remembered it.  He went up to the counter and asked the man about a pair of shoes that he had left there for heel repair almost 20 years ago.

"One minute.  I'll check." replied the man A few minutes later, the repair man came back.

"Well..." asked the man "They'll be ready Tuesday."