Entertainment

My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it.

After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."

The new pastor decided to visit the children's Sunday school. The teacher introduced him and said, "Pastor, this morning we're studying Joshua."

"That's wonderful," said the new pastor, "let's see what you're learning. Who tore down the walls of Jericho?"

Little Billy shyly raised hand and offered, "Pastor, I didn't do it."

Taken aback, the pastor asked, "Come on, now, who tore down the walls of Jericho?"

The teacher, interrupting, said, "Pastor, Billy's a good boy. If he says he didn't do it, I believe he didn't do it."

Flustered, the pastor went to the Sunday school director and related the story to him.

The director, looking worried, explained, "Well, sir, we've had some problems with Billy before. Let me talk to him and see what we can do."

Really bothered now by the answers of the teacher and the director, the new pastor approached the deacons and related the whole story, including the responses of the teacher and the director.

A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and said, "Well, Pastor, I move we just take the money from the general fund to pay for the walls and leave it at that."

One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt.  When he got in he said to the ticket man: "Sir.  I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get out of this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep.  So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business deal there and it is very important for me.  Here you have 100 francs for the favor.  But I warn you to know sometimes when people wake me up I get really violent, but no matter what I do or say you got to get me out of this train in Mannheim.  Is that clear?"

So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs.

Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt.  He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over and started yelling at him.  "Are you STUPID or something???  I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in Mannheim.  And you didn't I want my money back ."

While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two other guys who were also in the train were looking at them.  One turned to the other and said, "Look at this guy he is mad!"

Guy 2 replied, "Yeah, almost as mad as the guy they made get out of the train in Mannheim."

A minister was called away unexpectedly by the illness of a close family member. He entrusted his new assistant with filling the pulpit. The Pastor's wife stayed home. When he returned, the minister asked his wife what she thought of the young man's sermon.

"The poorest I've ever heard," she said. "There was nothing in it, nothing at all. It didn't even make sense. It was very unorganized. I was disappointed."

Later that day, the concerned minister met his assistant and asked him, "How'd the Sunday service and sermon go? Did all go well? How did you manage?"

"All went very well, sir, absolutely wonderful," he said. "I didn't have time to prepare a new sermon of my own on such short notice, so I got on your computer and pulled up one of your old sermon's from last year."