Entertainment

Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room.

The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins.  He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team.

A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets.  He was so a happy - and said isn't that a coincidence since I work for 3M.

The other father took off like a shot. The nurse ran after him asking, "Where are you going?"

Over his shoulder, the nurse could hear him stammering about his work at 7UP.

When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand your genealogy.

I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home, "Well, honey, the stork brought you."

"Where did Mom come from then?"

"The stork brought her, too."

"OK, then where did you come from?"

"The stork brought me too, dear."

"Okay, thanks, Grandma."

I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there have been no natural births in our family."

On a visit to my wife's native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London's Gatwick Airport.

Tania headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners' line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

"Pleasure," I replied. "I'm on my honeymoon."

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. "That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my passport. "Most men bring their wives with them."

If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to other important areas of life you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic.  For example:

Reasons Not To Wash

1.  I was forced to as a child.

2.  People who make soap are only after your money.

3.  I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.

4.  People who wash are hypocrites-they think they are cleaner than everyone else.

5.  There are so many different kinds of soap, I can't decide which one is best.

6.  I used to wash, but it got boring so I stopped.

7.  None of my friends wash.

8.  The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.

9.  I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.

10.  I can't spare the time