1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
2. In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."
3. "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
4. "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if your with '60 Minutes.' Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
5. "Hold on a second, please ... Mom! Timmy is hitting me!!!
*Vacation Term Translation*
In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...
Old world charm = No bath
Tropical = Rainy
Majestic setting = A long way from town
Options galore = Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway = Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms = Already occupied
Explore on your own = Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts = They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees = No extras
While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk.. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained.
The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?"
"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly."
"I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
An goober goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The goober counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying....... "Ehhhh... 22."
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces ....."Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The goober bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying ......."Mandy!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the goober, " I was just running through that song,...... 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".
"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on field trip to the country.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep 'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
