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Dangling Participle Alert!

~ The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

~ The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

~ Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

~ The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

~ We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

~ Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

Little Susan was mother's helper.  She helped set the table when company was due for dinner.  Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down.  Then Mother noticed something was missing.

"Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr.  Smith's place."

"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan.  "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life.

Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, he's sweet, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"

"He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.

Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."

Bob, the goober, heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.  So, on his 21st birthday, Bob his good friend Brian headed out to the lake.  "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.

When Bob and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling.  When the got to the middle of the lake, Bob stepped off of the side of the boat...  and nearly drowned.  Furious and somewhat shamed, he and Brian headed for home.

When Bob arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation.  "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"

The feeble old grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January...  you were born in July, dear."