Entertainment

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him.  He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of business.  They ignored her.  So, the rival florist hired Hugh Mac Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop.  Terrified, the friars did so.

The Moral of the Story: Wait for it....

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars !!

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.  His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.  A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.  In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.  In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.  He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.  He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.  She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.

One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. “My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked.

I figured her sister must also be in the airline business, so I smiled and asked why.

Replied the woman, "She's a dentist."

You Know You're Really A Mom When . . .

1.  You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.

2.  You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.

3.  You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

4.  You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

5.  Your child throws up and you catch it.

6.  Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.

7.  You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

8.  You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.

9.  Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, and you do it.

10.  You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.

11.  You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

12.  You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.

13.  You hate the thought of his wife even more.

14.  You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.

15.  You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

16.  You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.

17.  You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

18.  You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."

19.  You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

20.  You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."

21.  You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.