Entertainment

One day a man went to an auction.  While there, he bid on a parrot.  He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding.  He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.  Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk.  I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk.  Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

When a customer slid into the barber chair, the barber asked him how he wanted his hair cut.

"Make it short," the customer replied, "with a bare patch above my left ear, but longer on the right side so that it covers my right ear. I also want my left sideburn above my left ear and the right sideburn below my right ear."

The barber looked puzzled and said, "I don't think I can do that."

The customer replied, "I don't know why not--that's the way you cut it the last time I was here!"

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant.  Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.  After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They must be saved!  I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze.  After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.  From the distance a long siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.  It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65.  To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.  In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.  Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.  After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money.  The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the stupid brakes on that truck!"

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your pj's, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"

Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."

Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"