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A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz.

Three goobers are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.  A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps one of them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first goober.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second goober, "we aren't fishing.  We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.

"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three goobers started laughing hysterically.  "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second goober said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!

This guy had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

1.  One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2.  One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

3.  Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

4.  The older you get, the better you realize you were.

5.  I doubt, therefore I might be.

6.  Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

7.  Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

8.  Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

9.  Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it.

10.  A fool and his money are soon partying.

11.  Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

12.  Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

13.  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?

14.  If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

15.  If you ate pasta and then antipasta, would you still be hungry?

16.  If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

17.  Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?