Entertainment

The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"

One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car.  Neither could barely see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along approaching an intersection, the stoplight was red but they just went on through.  The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and that light was red too.  Again they went right though.  This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through.  The passenger turned to the other woman and said, "
Mildred!  Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row!  You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside service at a small country cemetery.

There was to be no funeral, just the committal, because the deceased had no family or friends left.  The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but soon lost his way.

After making several wrong turns, he finally arrived a half-hour late.  The hearse was no where in sight, and the workman were relaxing under a nearby tree, eating their lunch.  The pastor went to the open grave and found that the vault lid was already in place.  He took out his book and read the service.

As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workman say, "Maybe we'd better tell him that's a septic tank."

From a reference letter . . .

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That [goober] was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly reread only the odd numbered lines.