Entertainment

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's last will and testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

Cessna: "Newark tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."

Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the Newark airfield in sight?!?!!"

Cessna: "Uh, um...tower, I'm parked on the south ramp. I just wanted to know where the fuel truck is."

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.  "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name.  It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.  I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.  I am to be referred to only as Mr.  Robertson.  Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling.  My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

The pastor of a mid-sized church decided one Monday morning that the staff would verbalize their prayers at the weekly staff meeting. He led off: "Lord, my daughter is about to go away to college, I only make $55,000 a year, and it's not enough."

He turned to the associate pastor, and She said, "Lord, I have two children in preschool, a new mortgage, I only make $39,000 a year, and it's not enough."

The minister of education continues with his chant, "Lord, you know I need a new car, my wife is not well, I only make $28,000 a year, and it's not enough."

The youth minister has her turn next: "Lord, I've just finished seminary, I have huge student loans, I only make $20,000 a year and it's not enough."

At last it's time for the minister of music. His prayer went like this: "Lord, my son is graduating from Harvard, we bought a new boat, I make $100,000 a year and ... 'there's no business like show business!'"