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One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.  But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.  An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.  The next day he was back.
He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks.  Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:
"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.  "

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog.  Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray.  We all want him, but only one of us can take him home.  So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback.  "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.  He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie,"
and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute.  Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.

By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just got home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply "It's after seven o'clock!"

No wonder English is so hard to learn.

We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt