Entertainment

A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was.

His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again.

After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said,

"And you thought I was having a good time."

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you swim in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

"What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old granddaughter once asked.

Her dad, seeing an opportunity, said, "You have to do extremely well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, make the highest grades possible, and then go to med school, and follow that with an internship. Then you can start your own practice. Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you want to be."

Erin gave all this a moment's thought and then asked, "What do you have to do to be queen?"

Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition.  Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant.  He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.

Her paper read:

Frugal: to save Sentence:
Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out.

She yelled "Frugal me, Frugal me!"