Entertainment

You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says,

"Today is Nerd Day at school, Pop. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"

Two elderly sisters donated $25 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to the Superbowl.  Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.

"I think so, too," said Mabel.  "Let's go!"

They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse.  They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.

They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed.  Then came the second half.  When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.

"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said.  "This is where we came in."

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long-time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way...

COMPETITIVE SALARY:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:

Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:

You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:

We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:

Management won't answer questions.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:

We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:

We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:

If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:

You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:

You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.  But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner.  An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.  The next day he was back.
He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks.  Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:
"Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.  "

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."