Five things you don't want to hear from Tech Support:

1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

2. "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

3. "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."

4. "Press 1 for Support.
Press 2 if you're with ‘60 minutes.'
Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

5. "Hold on a second, please ... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"