Cybersalt News

I know many of you had a very busy, long, and food-filled weekend so please pay attention because I don't want to have to pepperspray anyone - AGAIN!

It's a drag to be back at work but try to smile anyway.  In fact, here is a tried and true method to help you do so all day:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/smiling-at-work-is-easy

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

The War of the Navels

The War of the Navels

People have navels of different kinds,
Ineys and outeys, to that we're resigned;
And so it has happened as it has before,
The difference became a reason for war.

Each side said that the other side was to blame,
For possessing navels that were not the same,
As those they were born with, and greatly admired,
A thing of rare beauty, all people desired.

Ineys and outeys both quickly became
A cause for great pride or a reason for shame;
And even when courtship had barely begun,
It created friction 'twix father and son.

A young man said, "Father, you give good advice,
But I find her navel exceedingly nice!"
His father said, "Son, don't you know it's a sin
To marry a girl with a navel curved in?

Our preacher will tell you, that without a doubt,
Your future wife's navel will have to curve out!"
The world has a great many problems to solve,
But none of them were half as hard to resolve;

Not one of the statesmen knew how to begin,
To decide if navels should curve out or in;
One said, "that the quarrel would not have begun,
If we were like Adam and did not have one!"

Then a plastic surgeon, a man of great fame,
Said, "We will make all belly buttons the same,
Then there never will be a cause to make war,
And peace will reign on the earth forevermore!"

But congress, as always, implanted a doubt,
Asked, "Will you make navels curve in or curve out?
Ineys and Outeys must both keep their pride--"
The doctor said, "We'll flip a coin to decide!"

The coin landed heads, and the Ineys had won,
And all belly buttons flashed under the sun,
Were shapely and beautiful, devoid of sin,
Because every one of the navels curved in.

The munition makers complained they'd grow poor,
Since all were the same, there'd be no cause for war!
But Satan replied, "There's no need for regrets
We'll foster a war between blonds and brunettes!"
(Lee Daniel Quinn)

One-liner #0773

"Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back."

Pork Delivery

A German farmer with relatives in the US sent them a package consisting of some pork sausages made from his old pig.

When they complained that the package had not yet arrived, he wrote:

"Cheer up. The wurst is yet to come."

Quote #1226

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Portrait of a Friend

"Portrait of a Friend"

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.
- Unknown