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Entertainment

One-liner #0791

"Opposites attract, which is why it's horrible to be this handsome."

Sugar Plum Fairy by Tchaikovsky on Glass Harp

Many musical performances call for a raising of the glass.  With this performance of "Sugar Plum Fairy" by P.Tchaikovsky, you should probably just leave the glasses down.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3815 - December 16, 2011


Issue #3815


Cybersalt News

A long time ago, in a land far away, I was the king of the Christmas lights on my street. I'm glad I didn't have to compete against this house.
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/christmas-light-show 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Christmas Postage

stampsA Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

"What Denomination?" Asked the clerk.

"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman.

"Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic.

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Minnesota Christmas

  • Four Stages

  • Some Assembly Required Christmas

  • Christmas Sheep Help

  • Canadian Christmas Bible Cartoons


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0790

"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
- Mitch Hedberg



Here is today's CleanPun

A Lot of Money

A lot of money is tainted.

It tain't yours and it tain't mine.


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1243

"The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing."
- Marcus Aurelius


Here is today's Illustration

Who Started Christmas?

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year---overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff.

When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and stated, “Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot.”

From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, “Don't worry. We already crucified him."

Who Started Christmas

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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Christmas Light Show

Years ago, I was the guy that had the neighbors trying to keep up to him in the Christmas light department.  Our house, in the co-op we lived in, was decorated with tons of Christmas lights and a huge lit star at the top of the pine tree in our front yard.  People up and down the street stood in their doorways as I climbed that tree to "starify" it.  I'm sure that each year they were wondering if this was the year I was going to perform a holiday tumbling act and put them out of their misery and let them catch up.  Decoration wise, I was the king of the block.

I'm glad this guy didn't live on our street!

A Lot of Money

A lot of money is tainted.

It tain't yours and it tain't mine.

  1. One-liner #0790
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3814 - December 15, 2011
  3. Minnesota Christmas
  4. One-liner #0789

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4709
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4709

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  2005

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4709

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2059

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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