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Entertainment

Doing Nothing Today

nappingI don't feel like doing anything today.

I think I've got an enlarged procrastinate.

Boot Lesson

bootsA teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on.

When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I tuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

The YouTube Collection

Many people still have Internet access that is too slow to enjoy watching YouTube Videos.  The YouTube Collection is a great solution for them.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3860 - April 22, 2012


Issue #3860


Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone.

My message from last week has been uploaded to the Westside Bible Church web site. You'll find "Proclaiming Truth" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/proclaiming-truth

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing. 


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Lawyer Laughs

law officesThe following questions from lawyers were taken from official records nationwide:

1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3. Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?

4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6. Were you alone or by yourself?

7. How long have you been a French Canadian?

8. Do you have children or anything of that kind?

9. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes
Q: What were you doing at the time?

13. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14. So you were gone until you returned?

15. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there girls?

16. You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

19. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

20. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0843

"If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?"fridge


Here is today's CleanPun

Lactose Intolerance

"The most aggressive form of lactose intolerance is cow tipping."cow


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1292

fire“There are three things in life that people like to stare at: a flowing stream, a crackling fire and a Zamboni clearing the ice.”
- Charlie Brown


Here is today's Illustration

Attending Church

hawaiian churchAfter Sunday service a young couple talked to the pastor about joining the church. He hadn't met the husband before, so he asked what church he was transferring from.

The husband looked down at his feet and replied, "I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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One-liner #0843

"If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?"fridge

  1. Lactose Intolerance
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3859 - April 21, 2012
  3. Switch Tower Pete
  4. Budget Burial

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4650
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1559

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4650

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1994

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4650

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2044

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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