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Entertainment

One-liner #0848

picture of oranges"Whoever said that nothing rhymes with orange clearly doesn't know the correct pronunciation of nothing."

Alcohol and Calculus

calculusAlcohol and calculus don't mix.

Never drink and derive.

Owl Friend

Owl JokesEach evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.

For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3864 - May 13, 2012


Issue #3864


Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone and happy Mother's Day!

It's been a while since I was able to send out the Cybersalt Digest, but I made the extra effort today so I could tell you all what a great mom I have (that's right mom, this is all I got you for Mother's Day.)  I have so much to thank my mom for that I could not list everything here, but suffice it to say that I am so thankful for all the the hard work and sacrifices she made for me as a baby, a child, a teenager and now as a grandmother to my kids.

I also want to wish my wife a happy Mother's Day.  Years ago I asked Susan what she wanted for Mother's Day and she replied very curtly, "I'm not your mother."  Her response left me pretty happy because I was freed from the pressure to buy an appropriate gift.  Over the next couple of years, however, I learned that even though she does not want a Mother's Day gift from me she does want Mother's Day appreciation.  I am so thankful to Mrs. Cybersalt (my babies' momma) for how she has blessed my life by being such an incredible mother to our 3 kids.  Were it not for her not only would they have never been born, but they would also not know what the inside of a public library looks like, that you can get more than just ham or bologna from a supermarket and that standing by and staying with your husband even while he is still growing up really is a long term plan for happiness.

Actually, this Mother's Day is one of firsts for Susan in that none of our kids are home this year AND it is also the first Mother's Day since her own mother passed away.  That's the strange thing about these special days we celebrate: there are always others that are saddened by the same celebration and even others who are qualified to be members of both groups.  For me as a husband, on Mother's Day I can only do what a husband can figure out along the way.  For me as a Christian, I am thankful once again that our lives can be filled with the Hope of Jesus love for us whether we are celebrators, mourners, or both.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

What Mom's Really Want

Mother's Day photo frameTop 10 List of what Moms REALLY want...*

10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any "floaties" (ie, backwash)

9. To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8. Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7. A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi Ya Mom!" just as I put a razor to my ankle.

6. A full time cleaning person - period!

5. For my teenager to announce "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4. A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

3. To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2. To be able to step on a plane with my toddlers and NOT have someone moan, "Oh no! Why me...!"

And the #1 thing that moms REALLY want is.....

Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0847

"Living with a toddler is like using a blender with no lid."angry toddler



Here is today's CleanPun

Look Like Mom

face creamA two-and-a-half-year-old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up.

"I'm going to look just like you, Mommy!" she announced.

"Maybe, when you grow up," her mother told her.

"No Mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' you always use."


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1296

Kids with look of trouble"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."
- Mark Twain


Here is today's Illustration

Motherly Ways

old kettleTammy and Sean had been living together for about 6 months. Sean's mother had always been suspicious of the two's relationship, even though her son insisted there was nothing going on.

One day the mother decided to stop by. Her son seemed surprised but pleased she had come, and gave her a tour of the house. The mother seemed suspicious that Tammy's room was spotless, and Sean's room was very messy with (women's) clothes all over the floor. Sean assured his mother that this was because the hamper was in his room, and nothing was going on. Before they left, her son and Tammy invited her to have Thanksgiving with them. Thanksgiving came, and once again Sean assured his mother that nothing was going on.

A few days later, Tammy noticed that her tea kettle was missing. She asked Sean about it, and neither could find it. "Your mother must have taken it" Tammy insisted. Finally, Sean called his mother after it had been missing for another couple of days.

"Mom, I need to ask you a question. "

"Of course son"

"Well, our tea kettle is missing, did you place it somewhere or possibly take it?" His mother seemed hurt." Honey, I can't believe..."

"I know mom, but you were the only one here."

"No, son, " his mother said knowledgeably." I can't believe you lied to me."

"But I haven't mom" Sean protested.

"Son, if Tammy had been sleeping in her own bed, you would have found the kettle by now."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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One-liner #0847

"Living with a toddler is like using a blender with no lid."angry toddler

  1. What Mom's Really Want
  2. Cat Mom Hugs Kitten
  3. Low Cost Home Security
  4. Two Wrongs

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4647
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1559

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4647

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1986

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4647

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2044

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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