Entertainment

I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

A large two-engine train was crossing America.  After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down.  "No problem," the engineer thought and carried on at half power.  Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news.  The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

A few weeks ago I noticed the wheels on our car were spinning sliding when we were on wet roads. When I looked at our tires I noticed the rubber was getting pretty hard and starting to crack and that the groves were quite worn down. On Thursday, we got new tires and now our car is handling much better. It's nice to not be treading lightly anymore!

Today's video share is a song by Tim Storms, who apparently has the world's deepest singing voice!
Click here to watch.

~ Pastor Tim 

(From the Archives back in 1999)

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.

5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm.
Please use the back door.

8) Ushers will eat latecomers.

9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

11) The Rev.  Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F.  Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

14) Next Sunday Mrs.  Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

17) The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.  Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

21) Members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs.  Marsha Crutchfield last evening.  Mrs.  Crutchfield and Mrs.
Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

22) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?  with hymns from a full choir.

24) Hymn 43: "Great God, What do I See Here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark!  An Awful Voice is Sounding"

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes; that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

A few puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.

“It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.”

- Garrison Keillor

He couldn't have been over six years old.  Dirty face, barefooted, torn T-shirt, matted hair.  He wasn't too different from the other hundred thousand or so street orphans that roam Rio de Janeiro.

I was walking to get a cup of coffee at a nearby cafe when he came up behind me.  With my thoughts somewhere between the task I had just finished and the class I was about to teach, I scarcely felt the tap, tap, tap on my hand.  I stopped and turned.  Seeing no one, I continued on my way.  I'd only taken a few steps, however, when I felt another insistent tap, tap, tap.  This time I stopped and looked downward.  There he stood.  His eyes were whiter because of his grubby cheeks and coal-black hair.

"Pao, senhor?" (Bread, sir?)

Living in Brazil, one has daily opportunities to buy a candy bar or sandwich for these little outcasts.  It's the least one can do.  I told him to come with me and we entered the sidewalk cafe.  "Coffee for me and something tasty for my little friend."  The boy ran to the pastry counter and made his choice.  Normally, these youngsters take the food and scamper back out into the street without a word.  But this little fellow surprised me.

The cafe consisted of a long bar: one end for pastries and the other for coffee.  As the boy was making his choice, I went to the other end of the bar and began drinking my coffee.  Just as I was getting my derailed train of thought back on track, I saw him again.  He was standing in the cafe entrance, on tiptoe, bread in hand, looking in at the people.  "What's he doing?" I thought.

Then he saw me and scurried in my direction.  He came and stood in front of me about eye-level with my belt buckle. The little Brazilian orphan looked up at the big American missionary, smiled a smile that would have stolen your heart and said, "Obrigado." (Thank you.) Then, nervously scratching the back of his ankle with his big toe, he added, "Muito obrigado." (Thank you very much.)

All of a sudden, I had a crazy craving to buy him the whole restaurant.

But before I could say anything, he turned and scampered out the door.

As I write this, I'm still standing at the coffee bar, my coffee is cold, and I'm late for my class.  But I still feel the sensation that I felt half an hour ago.

And I'm pondering this question: If I am so moved by a street orphan who says thank you for a piece of bread, how much more is God moved when I pause to thank him - really thank him - for saving my soul?

- Max Lucado

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

After my last doctor's visit, I went to the Publix pharmacy to pick up new medicine. Doctors have a pill for every problem in the world—if only they all worked.

I was early at the store, and my medicine wasn't quite ready. So, I decided to walk around Publix and get a little exercise.

Walking down one aisle, I noticed a little boy who seemed to be having some problems. He was arguing with his mother, stamping his feet and telling her, "I want that candy."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.