Mummies aren't from the Stone Age or the Iron Age ... they're from the Bandage.
I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded,
"For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer."
Happy Saturday everyone!
Grandma Cybersalt is away for the weekend at a church retreat, so I've been taking the chance to put in some long hours on a stack of work projects I've had on the go. I did take a break yesterday though — and a milestone break at that. When I broke my arm just over seven weeks ago there was no way I was going to be driving the pickup truck — it's a standard with a great big shifter coming up off the floor. But the surgeon's follow-up X-ray this week showed the bone has healed enough that I can finally start building strength back up. So today I figured it was time for a little test drive.
The truck mostly sits parked next to the house, and one of its main jobs is to wait for Susan to load it up with branches, grass clippings, and yard waste so we can run it over to the city works yard — they let citizens drop it off for free. Felt like a perfect short outing to test my shifting arm. I was very pleased to find it was up to the job. What was not up to the job, as it turned out, was the tailgate. I backed up to the dump spot, hopped out, and... the gate would not open. Now this isn't unheard of — the gate gets stuck once in a while, and the usual cure is to lurch the truck forward and back a couple of times to shake things loose. I tried that. Nothing. I tried pulling on the gate (my arm wasn't up to that one). I tried climbing in and kicking it. Nothing. I drove around the yard, which sits on a bit of a hill, hunting for bumpier patches to give the truck a good twist. Back to the dump spot. Still nothing. A kind fellow came over with his two good arms — between us we had three and a half arms — and even that wasn't enough. Closing time rolled around and I was the last one in the yard, so I drove home with a full load still in the back.
You can see where this is going. I backed up to my normal parking spot beside the house, walked around, gave the latch a little wiggle and a couple of taps — and the gate dropped open like nothing had ever been wrong. I had to laugh out loud. Of course. A good soak of WD-40 is on the assembly now, a bit of grease to follow, and Lord willing next Saturday's run to the works yard will be a little less interesting.
Today's video share is one I'm not even sure how to describe. It's probably one of the craziest creatures I've ever seen — and then partway through the clip you find out it isn't one creature at all, it's many creatures, which takes the whole thing to a whole new level.
Click Here To Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu.
The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road.
So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?"
The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded,
"For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer."
Mummies aren't from the Stone Age or the Iron Age ... they're from the Bandage.
"It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop."
- Confucius
The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that might come up.
One Sunday, just as the minister was reaching the climax of his sermon, his own young son entered the church, ran to the center aisle, started making loud beeps and brrrmms like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward him.
The minister stopped his sermon, pointed directly at his son, and commanded, "Jimmy, park the car immediately beside your mother on that bench (pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the keys."
The sermon continued undisturbed after a good laugh by the congregation.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
In a few months, I will celebrate another birthday. Interestingly, these birthdays come every year. This year, if I've kept up to date, I will celebrate my 75th birthday. I never expected to get this far along in life. I always thought 75 was old.
If I believe one of my old uncles, my 75th birthday amounts to 7+5 = 12. So I will be 12 years old in a few months. I can't imagine what it's going to be like to be 12 once again. I guess I don't know the difference between 75 and 12. There may not be much of a difference.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu.
The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road.
So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?"
The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned I was excited about buying a couple of companies. Well, the domains for those websites finally transferred into my hands yesterday, which means the purchase is officially complete and everything is now in my control.
There's still a bit of fix-up work to do on those sites before I make the full announcement — and when I do, I'll share the links here so you can have a look. The whole process has been a lot of fun, and I'm hoping this purchase works out as well as the one I made back in January of 2024.
Today's video share is almost a public service announcement — at least for those of us who get the heebie jeebies the moment we see anything in the fridge that's past the printed date. As it turns out, "best before" doesn't actually mean "throw it out," and a lot of things on our shelves are perfectly fine to eat for a good while after that little stamp.
Click Here To Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
So far today, Lord, I've done all right; I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent.
I am thankful for that, Lord.
In a few moments, Lord, the alarm will ring and I am going to get out of bed. From that point on, I am probably going to need your help.
Amen.
Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.
How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Caesars.
"You have to believe in yourself when no one else does."
- Serena Williams
The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee. It was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all humankind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.
Dear Reyer School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, no matter how often or politely I asked. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She was very upset. She then asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to buzz off.
Sincerely,
Edna Johnston
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Susan Page writes . . . .
We were nearing the end of a month when the sun had barely graced us with its presence, and the days had been long, damp, and gloomy. All this, combined with a virus I couldn’t shake and other circumstances, including my sister’s sudden passing, resulted in a period of grief and unsettledness that left me feeling insecure and anxious. Restrictions on my daily walks in the great outdoors did nothing to ease my sadness. Walking and talking with Jesus while hiking by the lake, camera in hand, has always been a way for me to decompress and be with God.
Finally, the day arrived when I could bundle up and head out to breathe the crisp air and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
