Me and my wife used to fall asleep watching movies together; now we fall asleep trying to pick one.
The following are all quotes from 11 year-olds' science exams:
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in test tube"
There is a disease terrible that strikes 10 out of 1 Americans 15 every minutes. Vocal Dyslexia it's called. An elment I've been lifing all my fight. It can warn without striking and has no regard for case, read, or crolor.
Symptoms:
~ speechaled garb
~ backs coming out wordward
~ and an inability to sent a complete putence together
Sunday greetings everyone - Happy Mother’s Day to those of you who celebrate it!
I’m excited to report that my zero inbox dream has been realized. Some of you will remember I’ve been chasing this for years — trying to get organized and disciplined enough to actually run an empty inbox. The extra motivation finally came when I agreed to speak at a conference on the dream of a zero inbox; I gave that presentation a week ago Friday. The proof of the pudding showed up yesterday: when the batteries in the UPS for my workspace gave up the ghost, instead of it being a frustrating interruption of work I was behind on, I just headed out to run a nice Saturday errand and grab the replacements. Best Saturday I’ve had in a long time.
Today’s video share is a lovely Mother’s Day story — a Kansas reporter using her airtime to honour her mom by celebrating her scientific legacy. Her mother was the first to notice a biogeographical boundary cutting across the state — now called the Tatschl Line — and the piece is a great reminder that our moms had whole interesting lives before they were our moms.
Click Here To Watch
Enjoy the rest of today’s Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
3. You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
5. Your child throws up and you catch it.
6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.
7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
8. You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.
9. Your child insists that you read "Once Upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, and you do it.
10. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
12. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
13. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
14. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
15. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
16. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
17. You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
18. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."
19. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
20. You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."
21. You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything.
A neighbor suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries. Tried it. I'm going back to heavy cream!
I'm never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take the money and run.
Mama’s hands tend you when you’re tiny, guide you as you grow, fold in prayer as you find your way, and never let you go.
—Jeannie Hund
This song carries a strong message about wisdom, discipline, and human nature. Inspired by biblical Proverbs, it warns against repeating the same mistakes over and over again, comparing foolish behavior to “a dog returning to its vomit.” The lyrics emphasize the importance of listening to advice, accepting correction, and growing through discipline.
It also highlights God’s guidance and discipline as an act of love, much like a father teaching his son. Overall, the song is a powerful reflection on learning from mistakes and choosing wisdom instead of repeating destructive patterns.
During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?"
Gary answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle - and He did!"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Life has its many ups and downs. There are some weeks when there are more downs than ups. But if I didn’t have a down, I probably wouldn’t appreciate an up.
This past week was one of those down weeks. One day, we lost our electricity for maybe six hours, my printer died on me and some scammer tried to get money out of me by telling me my daughter was in jail and needed bail money.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
I'm never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take the money and run.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
