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A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded.

"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."

Thanks to Walter McLauren for this pun.

Once there was an opossum named Pogo, a philosophy enthusiast, particularly drawn to existentialism. He devoured works by Jean-Paul Sartre, the mind behind "Huis Clos" (No Exit), which later inspired the famous lyrics in "Hotel California" – "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

Pogo, as we'll call him, had a peculiar aspiration: reincarnation. He yearned to shed his opossum form and return as something higher.

So, he dashed across the road, meeting his fate under the wheels of a truck.

However, much to his disbelief (he didn't have faith in Jesus like that old country singer Barry McGuire), when he awoke from his planned end, he remained an opossum. He had hoped for a raccoon, or something more.

Undeterred, he tried again and again, each time encountering a different type of vehicle but unfailingly reverting to his familiar opossum self.

Realizing this cycle was leading him nowhere, he decided to head to Nashville where he joined forces with Willie Nelson and contributed to the creation of Nelson's chart-topping hit, "On the Road Again."

"I would not paint my house on a Sunday - not because I am in bondage, but because I am lazy."

- Fred Schmidt

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.