Entertainment

Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn't change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.

When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three oldest children and watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. The mom thought it would be a good starting point for answering questions about the facts of life.

As her five-year-old studied the baby coming out of the birth canal, he asked, "Mom, does that hurt?"

 In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

A couple of you mentioned that you found it hard to read the Cybersalt News section of mailings when it's presented in white text on orange background. As you can see, I have changed the formatting to make it more legible.

A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Cybersalt and I saw the movie "Million Dollar Arm."  We really enjoyed that true story of the search for untapped baseball pitching talent in India.

Yesterday, a well know rapper threw out the first pitch at a New York Mets game.  If I were going to give a title to the video of that pitch I would call it "50 Cent Arm."  You'll see what I mean if you go to:
www.independentsportsnews.com/uywa

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Does It Hurt?

When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three oldest children and watched a PBS special showing the birth of a baby. The mom thought it would be a good starting point for answering questions about the facts of life.

As her five-year-old studied the baby coming out of the birth canal, he asked, "Mom, does that hurt?"

"Oh, yes, it does," she said, remembering her difficult deliveries.

"Wow," he continued in awe, "does it hurt the mother too?"

One-liner #0956

Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn't change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.

Lumberjack Travels

"Be a lumberjack: Saw the world."

Quote #1404

“Thin religion is religiosity reduced to a single symbolic gesture. And once you reduce religion to that . . . you can project everything that you want onto that . . . thin religion isn't textured. It doesn't have depth. It doesn't have relief. It doesn't rely on a long history of that religion with all the varieties of reflections that have gone on in the religion.”
- Miroslav Volf

Discipleship

As a new Ensign, I was assigned duty at the Naval Observatory in Washington, DC, and carpooled to work with a veteran Marine sergeant. One afternoon, I showed him a pair of brown shoes I had purchased to go with my khaki uniform. He examined the leather carefully. "Let me take these home," he said, "and I'll show you a real Marine Corps shine."

The next day I wore my old shoes, expecting to switch them with the ones the sergeant was polishing. From a grocery bag, Sarge pulled out the right shoe, shining like glass. "This is the way a Marine shines a shoe," he said. "Now all you have to do is polish the left one to look like it."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

 In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

I'm super excited to announce the beginning of some re-design on the Cybersalt Site! Over the next while you will notice that different areas have a much more user friendly way to be exposed to other and related content on the Cybersalt site.

For instance, if you go to view the latest funny cat picture "Presbyterian Wishes" (www.cybersalt.org/3r44) you will notice a column with other images randomly gathered from the Funny Cat Pictures and other Funny picture galleries. I think it makes the page look better and it's already making it easer for visitors to experience more of the over 13,000 pages on the site.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

How To Speak English Properly

*How to speak English Properly*

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    And the last one...
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

One-liner #0955

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap 8 people at a time.

Burnt Out Starter

Finding a burnt out starter motor is a moment of wreck ignition.

Quote #1403

"What messes our life up most is the expectation of what our life is supposed to look like."
- Ann Voskamp

Decisions

A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.