How to Get Rid of Your Preacher:
- Look him straight in the eye and say 'Amen' once in a while. He'll preach himself to death within a few weeks.
- Pat him on the back and brag on his good points. He'll work himself to death.
- Start paying him a living wage. He's probably been on starvation wages for so long he'll eat himself to death.
- Rededicate your own life and ask the preacher to give you a job to do. He'll probably die of heart failure.
- Get the congregation to unite in prayer for the pastor. He'll become so effective some larger church will soon take him off your hands.
"One thing I have learned from marriage is that my wife and I excel at misunderstanding. Clearly there is only one way to understand what I just said, right? I mean, what other way could there possibly be?"
This is a story about a little girl who, on the way home from church, turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the Preacher's sermon this morning confused me."
"There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they're falling in."
"Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings."