Entertainment

There was a ventriloquist who had no work for six months. He went to his agent and told him he needed work badly. 

The agent said, "There's no call for ventriloquists, but if you were a psychic I could get you plenty of work." So this ventriloquist went home and hung out a psychic sign. 

An hour later a woman knocks on the door: "I want to talk to my deceased husband--how much will it cost?"

The ventriloquist says, "If you talk to him, $50; if he talks to you, $100; and if you talk to each other while I'm drinking coffee, that's $200."

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Cybersalt News

If you ever accidentally set someone on fire may we suggest you apologize in a way that doesn't involve heat? This "Sorry Cake" probably misses the mark:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/sorry-cake 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Today's CleanLaugh

Signs Your Garage Needs to be Cleaned

- It just entered itself in the heavyweight division on BattleBots.

- I don't care what mortgage company you use, they're not going to ask for paycheck stubs from anything earlier than the Eisenhower administration.

- Environmentalists picket in your driveway to save the old-growth cobwebs.

- You have 12 leaf rakes with a total of 19 tines.

- Your missing son emerges twelve years after disappearing, with a tale of being raised by boxes and old exercise equipment.

- Cockroaches won't go in there without 12 pairs of tiny rubber gloves on.

- "Antiques Roadshow" holds a live broadcast from your driveway.

Today's One-liner

One-liner #1034

I am going to be healthy if it kills me.

Today's Clean Pun

Seabird Sausage

Never thought my butcher would turn a sea bird into sausage: but then he took a tern for the wurst.

Today's Quote

Quote #1482

"Saying something is NOT okay is not being any more judgmental than the person who says it is. Permissiveness doesn't negate judgment."

- Norm Funk

Tired Dog

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. Then he followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later he went to the door and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned this note to his collar: "I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful, sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Equine Opportunities: If the horses ever realize the barn door isn't locked, they're gonna have a field day.