Entertainment

Beware of Companies With These Hiring Slogans:

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some each night and some each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.  He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them to please leave him alone.  However, it was clear that he wasn't going to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity.

"OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest.  Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him.

"Do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

A new miracle doctor had just arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.

Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. He went and told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"

The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47."

So the doctor brought the jar and told Mr. Thompson to taste it.

He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor.

So Mr. Thompson went home very mad.

One month later, Mr. Thompson went back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!"

Thinking he had the doctor stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47..."

Immediately Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room!

Wildlife officials in Alaska are alarmed at the increase in grizzly bear attacks on humans, and they are advising the public to be extremely careful when hiking, fishing, hunting or camping.  They also advise people to wear small bells when they walk so they will alert grizzlies to their approach, and also to carry pepper spray in case of a close encounter.

The officials also say it would be wise to be alert for fresh signs of grizzly bear activity, such as piles of fresh bear poop.  Of course, you must be able to differentiate between brown bear and grizzly bear poop, so they offer the following:

Brown bear poop is usually small, and contains the remains of berries and sometimes squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear poop is larger, contains small bells, and smells like pepper.