Entertainment

Another true life story for the Funnies...

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time.  He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on.  Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place.  Having arrived late, the church was already packed.  The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate.  He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew.  As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too.  When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too.  When the man sat down, he sat down.  When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread.  During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing.  He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.

Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements.  People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping.  He was, and so the recruit clapped too.  Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up.  So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation.  A few people gasped.  He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing.  So he sat down.

After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving.  When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish."

The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't.  It's that obvious?"

"Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that."

"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."

I'd love to, but...

1 I have to floss my cat.

2 I've dedicated my life to linguini.

3 I want to spend more time with my blender.

4 The President said he might drop in.

5 The man on television told me to say tuned.

6 I've been scheduled for a eyelash transplant.

7 I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.

8 It's my parakeet's bowling night.

9 It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.

10 I'm building a pig from a kit.