Entertainment

A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients. Stopping at the nurse’s station, he carefully looked over the patient roster and jotted down the room number of everyone who had "Cath" written boldly next to his name.

That, he told me, was a big mistake. When I asked why, he replied, "It was only after I had made the rounds that I learned they were all patients with catheters."

~ March Planned For Next August

~ Blind Bishop Appointed To See

~ Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip

~ L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

~ Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through

~ Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

~ Diaper Market Bottoms Out

~ Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"

~ Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest

~ Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

~ Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

~ Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

~ Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

~ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

~ Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

~ Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

~ Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

~ Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man

~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

~ Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better

~ 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar

~ War Dims Hope For Peace

~ If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

~ Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

~ Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

~ Man is Fatally Slain

~ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

~ Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation

~ Defendants Speech Ends in Long Sentence

~ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

~ House Passes Gas Tax Onto Senate

~ Police Discover Crack in Australia

~ Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

~ William Kelly, 87, was Fed Secretary

~ Collegians are Turning to Vegetables

~ Scientists to Have Ford's Ear

~ Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water

~ Hershey Bars Protest

~ County Officials to Talk Rubbish

~ Carter Plans Swell Deficit

~ Caribbean Islands Drift to Left

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's last will and testament.

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."

Cessna: "Newark tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."

Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the Newark airfield in sight?!?!!"

Cessna: "Uh, um...tower, I'm parked on the south ramp. I just wanted to know where the fuel truck is."