Entertainment

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.  After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.  "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I'm going to be a Bible scholar." he replies.

"A Bible scholar.  Hmmm," the father says.  "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father.  "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.  The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation.  The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes....#1,#2,#3.  "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat.  About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes.  He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope.  The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO.  Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems.  Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope.  The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times.  Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, ..."Prepare three envelopes."

Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps very difficult. We attach small lights called chemlites to make our jumpsuits visible to the rest of the team.

Late one night, lost after a practice jump, we knocked at the door of a small cottage. When a woman answered, she was greeted by the sight of five men festooned in glowing chemlites.

"Excuse me," I said, "Can you tell us where we are?"

In a thick English accent, the woman paused before answering and then replied, "Earth."

1.  I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2.  I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3.  I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4.  I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5.  I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6.  I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7.  If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

8.  I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9.  I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10.  I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.