Entertainment

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.

"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr. Klopman."

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon.  He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly.  He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot.  There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

As a traffic safety consultant, I often gave talks on accident prevention. One night after I spoke to a PTA group, the program chairperson thanked me profusely and gave me a check for fifty dollars.

"Giving these presentations is a part of my job," I said. "Could I donate the money to one of your causes?"

"That would be wonderful!" she gushed. "We have just the program that could use it. We're trying to raise money so we can afford better speakers."

1.  Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2.  Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3.  Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4.In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION:
Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5.  Flush the toilet three or four times.  This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6.  Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7.  Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8.  The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The DOG