Entertainment

While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow."

The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!"

What do you call an eternity?  Four Goobers in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do Goobers have TGIF written on their shoes?  Toes Go In First.

Three Goobers were driving to Disneyland.  After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said, "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.

What do SMART Goobers and UFO's have in common?  You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the Goober say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, ...Doughnut seeds.

Why did the Goober stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

At a pharmacy, a Goober woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.  The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"It won't work," countered the woman.  "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.  One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist.  "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.  Both appear to be blind.

The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog.  Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.  At first the passengers don't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.  However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway and people begin panicking.  Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"