Entertainment

Q. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

A. Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Hey, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Sputtering in a fit of pique, he calls the waiter over, describes what is happening, and demands an explanation!

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."

During the Revolutionary War, there was a small encampment of patriot soldiers the woods. Before they went to bed that night, they tied chickens (they were saving them for a special meal when needed) to the trees around the campground.

Sure enough, some British soldiers were stumbling through the woods that night and frightened the chickens. Their screams and clucks woke the Patriots and they were able to defeat and capture the entire group of British soldiers. A few nights later, the cook prepared the chickens for dinner.

The soldiers said, "This is really good. What do you call it?"

The chef said that in honor of these special chickens who saved their lives, he called it "Chicken Catch a Tory."

A very strange thing happened here in suburbia a few days ago.

This past weekend, I noticed a neighbor of mine repairing his sidewalk.

He had removed a number of broken sections (thanks to numerous trees in his yard). He had rented a cement mixer (portable - not a truck).

He was laying new forms for the cement. He was almost ready to pour the cement which would form a new, flat sidewalk that would no longer be a safety hazard to folks walking to his front door.

This particular neighbor is in his sixties. He and his wife never had children of their own, They both have always been exceptionally nice to the neighborhood children.

On Halloween, they host a "haunted house."

At Christmas, they always have gifts for all the children who live nearby.

At Easter time, they host an Easter egg hunt in their yard.

One would have to look far and wide to find a couple of people who care more for children than they do. It is because of this that I was so shocked this past weekend.

Seeing as how this gentleman has helped me do so many chores around my house in the past few years, I offered my assistance to him in his task. We finished preparing the site for his new sidewalk. Then we mixed the cement. Then, we began pouring the new cement walkway leading to his front door. After laboring for a number of hours, we finished.

To those of you who have never poured cement, it is back-breaking work. A portion of cement the size of a medium bag of dog food weighs more than 100 pounds!

We were both exhausted. We each sat down to admire our work.

Just then, two neighbor children came riding down the street on their bicycles. Seeing the fresh cement walkway, they cut across his lawn, and rode the bikes right across the fresh (still wet) cement, leaving bike tire tracks across the fruit of our labors.

My neighbor, totally out of character, immediately started screaming obscenities at the children. I had never heard him use such language! Especially directed at kids! His tirade lasted a few minutes. He was angrier than I had ever seen him!

When he finally cooled down, I asked him, "Ah, John. I am surprised. I thought that you loved all the children around here."

He looked over at me and responded, "In the abstract, yes. But, not in the concrete!"