On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup.
"Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!"
My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box.
As I opened it up and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered,
"I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."
I was driving to work this morning when my car stalled in the damp weather. I was sitting in the car at the side of the highway, contemplating my next move, when a pigeon flew down and landed right in the middle of the hood of the car. It seemed fairly tame, and I soon became fascinated in watching it up close as it strutted around and made cooing noises.
A few minutes passed, and two more pigeons flew in and joined the first bird. Pigeons seem to be attracted by crowds, and soon I was sitting there with a whole hood full of pigeons, all cooing loudly and beginning to change the color of my hood.
Gradually I noticed that the birds seemed to be trying to get my attention, which was unnerving, since I had always regarded pigeons as rather stupid birds. But, sure enough, several of them were dragging a piece of rope around on the hood, and several others were flying out in front of the car and returning to the hood.
All of a sudden, I realized what they were doing, so I yanked open the door and wildly chased them all off.
No way was I going to be pigeon towed!
I've been working on my budget.
Line one is my fixed expenses, line two is my fixed income and the difference is the fix I'm in.
Back in the 1960s, one animal rights group was outraged that open season had been declared on the great American buffalo to help thin the herd in and near some of our national parks.
They began herding the buffalo (by helicopter) into holding pens. The buffalo would then be loaded onto railroad cars and shipped to places where there were no buffalo.
One very smart buffalo named Gus decided that the holding pen was not the place for him, so he staged a mutiny. Gus and ten of his fellow buffalo decided to make a break for it. They burst the gate of the holding pen and were free at last.
Early the next morning, they heard the sound of helicopters, so they hid. Deciding it was too dangerous to stay in the park area, they headed south, toward Dallas, Texas. Grazing was not so good, so they came on farther south toward Houston. While at the Johnson Space Center, they learned about Cape Canaveral. The pictures were great: plenty of water, plenty of grass, and no helicopters. Gus and his friends headed for Florida.
They found the Cape and grazed to their hearts' content each day. As they grazed, a rocket was being readied for launch on a nearby pad. The order came for the area to be evacuated of all living animals. Gus and his friends continued to graze. To get them out of the area (for their own safety), NASA sent in helicopters to round up the buffalo. Gus and his friends recognized the sound and began running. They took cover under the rocket. They saw a man walking near the pad, so they climbed the tower and into the top stage of the rocket, which was about to go into orbit.
Since no one knew where the buffalo were, NASA assumed they were clear of the area and continued the countdown. As the rocket lifted off, Gus and his friends became the "First herd shot around the world."
One night, as Al was watching TV, the doorbell rang. He went to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar, threw him across the room, and then left. Al picked himself up and phoned his friend Tony to tell him the bizarre story.
"That's amazing," said Tony. "The same this happened to me an hour ago! This huge cockroach rang my doorbell, and when I answered, the bug punched me in the gut and left!"
Al and Tony decided to visit their buddy Vince and get his advice. When they finished telling their tales, Vince said: "This is too weird, guys. When I got home from work this afternoon, a huge bug was waiting for me at the door. He beat me up real bad! I think we better go to the cops and get this settled."
So the three men went to the local police station and reported their experiences. The desk sergeant just shook his head. "Sorry, fellas, there's nothing we can do. There's just a nasty bug going around."
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
