Entertainment

Issue #3837

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

The Westside Bible Church web site has been updated with 4 weeks worth or service and message recordings. You'll find them at:
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/services
and
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Do Not Talk To My Parrot

parrot Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under *any* circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.

But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!!"

To which the parrot replied: "GET HIM, Brutus!!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0818

" I was going to go to the Outdoor Wilderness Survival Show, but not in this weather!"

Here is today's CleanPun

Paid For

My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.

We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1267

"For some, it is easier emotionally to stop believing in God than to accept the existence of whatever evil has raped their life."
- Pastor Tim Davis

Here is today's Illustration

Mistakes

If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture!

crumpled paper If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention!

If an explorer makes a mistake,
It's a new discovery!

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident!

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law!

If a professor makes a mistake,
It is a new theory!

If a hairstylist makes a mistake,
It's a new style!

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion!

If parents make a mistake,
It is a new generation!

If the boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake!

If an employee makes a mistake,
Now, *that* is a "MISTAKE!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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" I was going to go to the Outdoor Wilderness Survival Show, but not in this weather!"

Issue #3836

Cybersalt News

OK, so Google didn't buy the Cybersalt site. They did give me some lovely consolation gifts for attending the seminar though and in the next while I've got a Google t-shirt coming my way.

There is one updated funny sign page on the Cybersalt site today - which is running along at a blistering pace on the server I might add. You will find "Frozen Bank Accounts" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/frozen-bank-accounts

BTW, today's Digest has a bonus Cleanlaugh in it because one was too small to really count for an effort for the day.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Country Puddle

puddle A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked.

"I reckon so," replied the farmer.

The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface.

As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!"

"Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head.

"It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"

Politically Correct Light Bulb

compact fluorescent_bulb "How many politically-correct people does it take to screw in a light-bulb?"

"Look, I don't know, but that's not funny."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0817

My wife complains that I over-analyze everything but these graphs & charts show that I don't.

Here is today's CleanPun

Duck vs. Elephant

Duck vs Elephant: You can't get down off an elephant.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1266

wedding rings "The bonds of matrimony are a good investment when the interest is kept up."

Here is today's Illustration

Hurts and Blessings

Thanks to my online colleague, Pastor Kevin Martineau, for sharing this story on his excellent blog at www.kevinmartineau.ca Check out is page, he as lots of great stuff.

------------------------

oasis A story is told of two friends who were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand: “Today my best friend slapped me in the face.”

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but his friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he carved on a stone: “Today my best friend saved my life.”

The friend, who had slapped and saved his best friend, asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you carve on a stone, why?”

The other friend replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it.”

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your blessings in stone!

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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"I reckon so," replied the farmer.

The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface.

As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!"

"Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head.

"It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"

You know your accounts have probably been frozen when . . .

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count: 3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim

This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim

This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4649

Christmas Jokes Article Count: 77

We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count: 3

It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count: 16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures? You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count: 1559

Games Article Count: 15

Here are the games we have on the site so far. There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count: 679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count: 169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count: 231

Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim

This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim

This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4649

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count: 149

Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count: 24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count: 53

christmas cake We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count: 544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes. Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count: 533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count: 3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count: 2944

Clean Puns Article Count: 1988

Our collection of puns.

Funny Signs Article Count: 167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count: 2044

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count: 1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!

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