Entertainment

The 'ea' in 'tea' is silent.

I tried calling the tinnitus helpline. There was no answer. It just kept ringing.

Dog's Rules For Christmas

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog cuddles.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: Don't pee on the tree... Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree... Mind your tail when you are near the tree... If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open... And Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree.

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and cleans. Don't eat off the buffet table. Beg for goodies subtly. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your spot on the sofa -- they don't know any better. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach unless you can get away with it...

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important) Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house. Be nice to the kiddies. Turn on your charm big time.

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DO NOT BITE HIM!!!

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday.

I now have fewer emails in my inbox than the number of years that Dick Van Dyke has lived. I promise I will stop telling you how many emails I have once I reach my zero inbox goal!

Speaking of Dick Van Dyke, Today's video share is a co-operative effort between Spike Lee and Coldplay, featuring Dick Van Dyke - who turns 99 tomorrow!
Click Here to Watch

~ Pastor Tim 

This joke first appeared in the Cybersalt Digest in 2005 when these computer programs were mainstream! A blast from the past.

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
as Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care
in hopes that St. Nicholas would bring new software.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of computer games danced in their heads.
PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
and Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
to santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -
Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.

All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
to flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
with a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
and a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
from where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
in black Gucci boots and red Calvin jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
here they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums will be under the tree,
only compact disk ROMS with the Microsoft label.
So spin up your drive,
from now on Christmas runs only on Win95.
More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you're all of you through,
it is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
it's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
and on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
and a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"
And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
the whir and the hum of our satellite platter,
as it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
the SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.

As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
my computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voices so bright,

"A MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

At some point you will find someone who is obsessed with you and wants all your time; that person is your manager at work.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

If there's a watermelon, shouldn't there be earthmelon, firemelon, and airmelon. The elemelons.

"Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

- The Polar Express

I ran short of money while visiting my brother, and borrowed $50 from him.

After my return home, I wrote him a short letter every few weeks, enclosing a $5 check in each one. He called me up and told me how much he enjoyed the letters, regardless of the money; I had never written regularly before.

Eventually I sent off a letter and the last five-dollar check.

In my mail box the next week I found an envelope from my brother. Inside was another $50.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

- photo by Susan PageLife can change dramatically through loss. Sometimes, these changes force us to think of new ways to celebrate the holidays.

Years ago, I prayerfully considered how I might create new traditions that my family could treasure together. A former colleague of mine had given me the idea that the gift of memories will last a lifetime, while commercial gift-giving may only last for a moment. This can be true for any age and circumstance but is especially applicable when our children grow into adulthood.

The challenge was to think of what my family, each with unique interests, could enjoy together. We decided to see the theatrical production of Les Misérables.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.