Cybersalt News

It's been a while since I added a new funny cat or dog picture to the Cybersalt Site, so I've added one of each today!  However, they go together and can only live in one directory so you will find "Cat and Dog Road Trips" at:
www.cybersalt.org/33qk

Yesterday's server move went very well.  All hardware was offline at 6:00pm, driven across town and back online at 9:30.  It was a fun time for me, but then I had very little pressure on me since I was really only a server sherpa.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her meaning husband.)

Monday A.M.
Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.
Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator.
Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M.
Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M.
Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following:
1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal?
2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?
3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand?
4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me!

Friday A.M.
Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother.

If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the WiFi router and wait in the room in which it is located.

Every time I click on my drafts folder a window opens: it's cool!

"Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying a grudge the other guy's out dancing." 
- Buddy Hackett

One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market. They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour. The ad said:

"We're looking for five men in peak physical condition. Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese. Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports."

The day after the ad appeared, a heavy old man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club. "I'm here about the ad," Morris said.

The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite. "Do you speak Spanish or French?" he asked Morris.

"Nope," the old man said.

"Chinese? Japanese?"

"No, both times."

"Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?"

"Only that I wouldn't be caught dead with either one."

"How about sports?"

"I've never played anything more athletic than checkers."

"I see," the young man said. "Tell me something. So why did you come here?"

"To tell you personally to count me out!"