Cybersalt News

Everybody likes twins - unless they are both really creepy. With names like Uz and Buz, Jeff Larson thinks Uz and Buz were "babe-magnets".
http://www.cybersalt.org/cartoons/uz-and-buz-magnets

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Sign Return"

I was on board the USS Kitty Hawk when we docked in the Sri Lankan capital, Colombo.

One morning, as the local fishing fleet passed by on its way out to sea, a boat came too close to our ship. A Marine held up a sign warning the captain to stay away, and he complied.

But the next day, the boat was back. This time, the fisherman held something. The nervous Marine pointed to his rifle. The fisherman lifted the object and unfurled it, revealing a sign of his own.

In perfect English it read, "Your Sign Is Upside Down."

Today's CleanPun

"I'm back from my lobotomy..." he said absentmindedly.

Today's One Liner

"Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?"

Today's CleanQuote

"I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." ~Thomas Alva Edison

Today's Illustration - "Brotherly Advice"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.

"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said. "Just flap your arms really hard."

So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.

Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What happened?"

Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything he's told."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Uz and Buz Magnets

I was on board the USS Kitty Hawk when we docked in the Sri Lankan capital, Colombo.

One morning, as the local fishing fleet passed by on its way out to sea, a boat came too close to our ship. A Marine held up a sign warning the captain to stay away, and he complied.

But the next day, the boat was back. This time, the fisherman held something. The nervous Marine pointed to his rifle. The fisherman lifted the object and unfurled it, revealing a sign of his own.

In perfect English it read, "Your Sign Is Upside Down."

Cybersalt News

It was just a matter of time before Microsoft tried to improve upon the electric keyboard.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/microsoft-electric-piano

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Ten Laws of Life"

1. When ones hands are covered in oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Itchiban)

2. Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Incuranctions So Sorry Law)

3. When things seem easy to do, it's because you haven't followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)

4. The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it's exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)

5. The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to its need to be clean. (Law of Campbell's Scoop)

6. Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Gotta Go!)

7. Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo. (The Hair-Wind Principle)

8. After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later. (Law of Irreversibility)

9. Arriving for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else else arrived before you. (Law of De Lay)

10. Do not take life too serious, because in the end, you won't come out alive anyway. (Law of Absolute Certainly)

Today's CleanPun

Pessimists are born, not made: Their blood type is B Negative.

Today's One Liner

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory - you couldn't park anywhere near the place."

Today's CleanQuote

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought, which they avoid." ~Soren Kierkegaard

Today's Illustration - "Earring Rush"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store where I work soon after the doors opened one morning and said he needed a pair of diamond earrings. I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he picked out a pair.

When I asked him if he wanted the earrings gift-wrapped, he said, "That'ld be great. But can you make it quick? I forgot today was my anniversary, and my wife thinks I'm taking out the trash."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.