In order to settle an argument between the church naming committee and the community relations board the elders of the church decided it would be best to rename the church "Three Mile Baptist" and move the building one mile farther out of town.

1.  After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

2.  A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond.  I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.  At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

3.  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"!  I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

4.  A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor.  She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

5.  I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was.  She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for me, so I continued.  At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

Mom!
Dad's been working on the computer again!

My mother works in a laboratory and is responsible for keeping tissue cultures alive. So that she won't forget, she writes "feed cells" on her calendar. One day she noticed that someone had scribbled in "take cells for a walk."

By the end of the month, a number of anonymous reminders had been added: "Take cells to Disneyland," "Cells on vacation," "Cells back" and, on Yom Kippur, "Jewish cells get the day off."