Entertainment

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the newspapers. But, no one reported seeing the ape.

At last, he was discovered in the New York Public Library.

They found the ape sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The ape was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible; the other written by Darwin.

The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing.

The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother."

One day, the president of the United States was sitting in the Oval Office reading a newspaper to catch on that day's current events. All of a sudden, one of his secret service men burst through the door with a long bull whip in his hand. The president looks at him and thinks, "Ok!", but tries to ignore him, thinking it's some kind of gag.

The secret service man then begans to take that bull whip and begins "cracking" it, and walking around the president's desk. The president looks up and asks him what he's doing, but the secret service agent ignores him and goes, "Uh, hum" but keeps cracking the whip as he walks around the presidents desk.

The president gets enough and yells at the secret service agent, "BY EXECUTIVE ORDER, I DEMAND YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

The secret service agent sheepishly looks up at him and says, "Sir, I'm just beating around the Bush!"

A first grade class teacher, for the "Natural World" section of her class, had a lesson about owls.

She explained to the class about how they are nocturnal, how they can swivel their heads so far in either direction that it looks like they can turn them completely around, etc., etc. Then she described how the birds swoop down to get their prey for dinner.

Following the lesson, she asked the children to draw a picture of one of the fascinating things owls do.

Looking over the pictures, she praised and applauded each child on their efforts. She was puzzled, however, by one drawing. It was of an owl with its wings neatly folded, its eyes closed and a dead mouse nearby. "Exactly what is this showing?" she asked.

The little girl explained, "It's just like you said 'The owl swoops down and prays before dinner.'"

Here's another great pun from Stan Kegel.

I took my two sons, ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud that he was able to read to his brother the sign with all the rules posted for the playground.

"1. Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion."

"2. Go down the slide while sitting only."

"3. Only one child on a swing at a time."

There were about twenty rules and the boys promised to obey them all, if I would trust them and let them play without me standing by to watch. They said that they were too old to be watched and their friends would tease them calling them babies if I stayed.

I made them promise to be good and obey the rules, and rejoined my wife preparing our picnic lunch. When it was time to get the children, I decided to watch them at a distance for a while to see how reliable they were in following my instructions.

I found that they obeyed most of the printed instructions. That is, all but one... They would each get on the tall semicircular slide and slide down head-first or backward.

Angrily, I walked to the children and escorted them over to the posted regulations. I asked my seven year old read to them aloud once again - paying special attention to the rules about the slide. Then I asked them what they had to say for themselves.

My five year old answered immediately: "Don't be silly Daddy - they don't use slide rules anymore. (By Stan Kegel)